Things you don't want to hear as a mum!

Being pregnant has reminded me of all the annoying phrases that people always seem to insist on saying to you. I can't decide if "you're looking so big" is better or worse than "your bump is so small", especially when said to me by different people on the same day - obviously one of you is lying! Being too hot most of the time coupled with pregnancy hormones which seem to make even the smallest issue into a full-blown cry-fest, makes me wonder why people dare speak to me at all some days!

But don't get me wrong, I do usually enjoy the comments I get about the bump, conversations around whether it is a boy or girl, lots of people asking how I'm feeling and making sure I get offered slices of cake before anyone else. However, it has made me remember some of the comments I had about bean1 after she was born, particularly on days when PND combined with severe sleep deprivation made me even angrier than normal. Here are some of my biggest pet peeves:

- Is it a boy?
Seriously, someone once asked me this when she was dressed all in pink. If you really can't tell, say something ambiguous like "what a fab outfit" or "what beautiful eyes" and try to work out the sex in the ensuing conversation
- Hasn't she grown
Well duh!
- Cherish the time while she is still little
Worst thing to say ever. I lived most days hoping to just survive to the next day and I am amazed if anyone really can enjoy those first weeks/months of no sleep/being pooed and sicked on/incessant whingy noises
- Are you planning another one?
This is quite a personal question when you think about it, yet complete strangers feel like they are allowed to ask this

You think I look like a boy?! *facepalm*

I think a lot of people simply panic about what to say, hence the cliches, so here are some of my personal favourites:

- You're doing a great job
- What a gorgeous baby you have
- He/she has your eyes/hair/chin/whatever (always a lovely compliment as our babies are the most beautiful things ever to us!)
- Just follow your own instincts
- It gets easier (a lot of people have said the opposite to me, but I would rather you lie and say it gets better!)

What are your pet peeves? Can you recommend other things you wish people would say or that people have said which really made your day?

Afternoon tea with the Queen (a Buckingham Palace garden party)

I was fortunate enough to get an invite to a garden party at Buckingham Palace last week. The Queen holds a few of these every year and invites around 8,000 lucky people along each time to see her, a selection of other royals and enjoy some delicious tea and cake in the grounds.

 

Many people there were military types, but there were also a lot of religious people and people in uniform, being rewarded with cake (my favourite type of reward) for working hard. However, I felt like a fraud as a was simply a +1 to my lovely Auntie who works at the Palace.

The day started off with a typically British queue outside the Palace, with fancy hats and unsuitable shoes as far as the eye could see. We slowly funneled through the main entrance and out into the grounds. Being a greedy pregnant lady, I headed straight to the tea tent and consumed 2 piles of delicious sandwiches and beautiful miniature cakes*.

*note to self, don't put your cup of tea next to a chocolate mousse cake, especially when wearing a white dress!

Melted chocolate cake! Oops

Next, a lot of milling around waiting for the Queen to appear. When I spotted her, the baby gave some excited kicks, before she disappeared into the crowd (the Queen is very small and so you have no chance of seeing her unless you get to the front). She was wearing a classic minty green number with a matching umbrella, although we were very lucky and the rain held off all day. I guess I have little bean's dancing to thank for that!

Once the royalty had emerged and headed into their own tent (apparently to sit and look at the cake as they don't actually eat, I wish I had some of that self control!), I was introduced to Princess Alexandra. She seemed very friendly and interesting, although was in quite a rush as she had a big list of people to meet. I think I managed a sort-of curtsy, but it was probably more of a embarrassing half-collapse.

We wandered around the grounds, the gardens are massive and you don't feel like you are in the centre of London. They even have tennis courts! Then back to the tents to watch the royals walk back into the Palace, we got a front row spot and saw the Queen up close this time.

  

Overall, it was a wonderful day out. The highlights were getting dressed up, the amazing cakes and seeing the Queen. Negatives included a lack of seating (partially due to people 'saving' chairs and a disregard for elderly/pregnant people), and being dressed up. I don't think I've worn heels for years and the bump did not enjoy being stuffed into a non-maternity dress already!

Thank you Queenie for having me round to your house, you're always welcome to mine. We have plenty of seats and my husband makes great scones, although our garden is slightly smaller!

Work:life:mum balance

Many people talk about trying to get that perfect balance, and the 'mummy guilt' that plagues us all in the hunt for this nirvana. Well, from all my research and attempts to reach that balance, I can firmly conclude that... it doesn't exist!

On paper, my balance right now is perfect for me. I work 3 days a week in the office which gives me 3 lovely days of sitting down, drinking hot drinks, not having to hide in the kitchen when I want to eat a snack, and plenty of adult conversation. Plus, my favourite thing, colleagues to acknowledge my hard work and other ways to measure if a day has been successful. I then get 2 days with bean all to myself, we can go wherever, whenever and see whoever (well, all around the strict 12-2 naptime, life is not worth living without this!).

This all sounds pretty perfect, right? But somehow, my brain seems stuck in 'the grass is always greener on the other side' mode. At work, I yearn after my little bean, wish I was with her and spend far too long looking at photos of her (or demanding that nana sends me photos of her every hour). And at home, I just wish I could have the perks I get at work.

The below page from the Ladybird book "The Mum" totally sums up my fears as a stay at home mum. I will be stood at the school gates, safe in the knowledge that I have a PhD and have contributed to important research into a cure for cancer, yet all I will be judged on is the behaviour and ability of my sproglets. Which is ultimately out of my control. It's no wonder that you get "pushy mums". 

I'm in a very lucky position as I choose to work because I want to. We have enough money to be flexible (although my salary is basically cancelled out by childcare fees!) and we have good support through my mother-in-law. I even get to travel on work conferences in the knowledge that someone else can look after little bean.

Taking a break from motherhood in the Lake District

I guess the secret is to live in the moment, using those wonderful 'Mindfulness' techniques my dad tried to teach me. Maybe one day I will be content with my lot.

 What do you think is the best balance?

Knitting for premature NICU babies

Last night, my craft club hosted a wonderful lady from the "Ray of Hope" charity to give us a talk on the beautiful clothes that are created by volunteers for babies on the NICU.

The majority of items donated are knitted, and unsurprisingly people favour making little girls clothes. Apparently, this is because when knitting small items, they are very similar to dolls clothes, and dolls are invariably female. She started off by showing us a doll fully kitted out with typical items, the doll was representative of the smaller babies found on the NICU and it was incredible how tiny it was - not much heavier that a pound and about what a 24 week baby might look like. The fact that that is smaller than the bean currently cooking in my oven really made me realise just how early and underdeveloped these babies must be.

Before the talk, I had knitted up a couple of (what I thought were tiny) hats, one for a boy and one for a girl (and some very dodgy booties, I will never manage to make 2 that match!). However, mine looked huge in comparison and I hadn't considered the fact that these babies are in ventilators. Ray of Hope have designed teeny tiny hats with "flaps" on the top to allow babies to be closely monitored and fitted with all the necessary tubes.

Perhaps it wasn't the best talk to go to in my heightened emotional state - I was never emotional before getting pregnant but even hearing Jeremy Paxman's closing statement when leaving Newsnight made me cry (even though I dislike the man and have never watched Newsnight!). The clothes are so tiny, and a lot of premature babies are very poorly. The Ray of Hope also help with bereavement, offering photography of babies that don't make it and providing tiny "angel gowns" and presents to help the family deal with their loss.

I feel so lucky to have had such a straightforward pregnancy and healthy baby the first time round, and fingers crossed it all goes well again this time. But I will take time to think of those who are less fortunate and have another go at knitting some clothes for these special babies.

If you feel inspired, ask your local hospital or midwife if they are in need of anything in particular. Here is a link to the knitting patterns created by Ray of Hope:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/stoke/hi/people_and_places/newsid_8674000/8674298.stm

Top picks for affordable outdoor toys for toddlers

Now we have this lovely weather (although how long it lasts, who knows!!) the best thing to do with children is get outside. I am slowly turning our back garden into a toddler paradise to avoid trips to the park. This avoids me having to park a bag (yes we need snacks, even just for a quick park visit), having to lift children in and out of swings and steer them away from 'dangerous' park equipment - the worst is when she decides to climb onto/off a moving roundabout.

So here are some of my favourite toys:*

Crocodile seesaw: £15, ELC (currently on sale)

Sand/water play table: £9.99, Home Bargains

Pop-up tent and tunnel: £15, Argos

Slide: £19.99, B&M stores

And some of my not-so-cheap favourites:*

Little Tikes car: from £40, Home Bargains (always causes a lot of arguments during play dates, but toddlers driving cars is just too cute!)

Wendy house: from £50, Toys R Us (best to choose one that you like and looks nice in your garden)

*I ALWAYS prefer second hand outdoor toys, but there is a severe lack of them on second hand selling websites once summer is upon us!

A bit about me

Yes that's me. Don't worry, I'm not crazy! Let me start from the start. I'm Sam, mummy of a lovely little 18 month old nutter [bean] and incubating another bundle of fun [bean2, due in August].

Before getting pregnant the first time, I was suffering from anxiety caused by grief after my dad passed away in 2012. He was a wonderful man but sadly lost his battle with cancer at 59, five months before I got married. It really sucked (obviously!) and I always bottled up my emotions which ended up causing my mental health issues.

Luckily I finally met a wonderful councillor who helped me work though my feelings and learn to talk about my problems. After having bean, I suffered with post-natal depression. It left me feeling like a useless mother and comparing myself to mums I saw on social media.

What no-one tells you is social media only shows you people's life though rose-tinted spectacles. You never see photos of their kids watching Cbeebies eating a snack (we all do this for 5 minutes of peace!) or hiding your head in the fridge so you can have a biscuit! [NB: I love biscuits!].

I hope this blog will document life as a mummy though a normal pair of glasses and give you a few giggles along the way.

Here it goes!