Being on maternity leave does not make you a housewife...

*warning: This blog post includes mild angriness and ranting


Housewife: A married woman who manages her own household
Maternity leave: Leave of absence for the birth and care of a baby


There we go.


I am currently on maternity leave with a baby and also caring for a toddler around 3 days a week. My role is to look after children and, most importantly, get to know my new baby and care for him. This mainly involves changing nappies, breastfeeding and outfit changes for us both when one of the first 2 tasks gets messy. When I have time, it also includes getting excited when a child does something 'exciting' such as finish a jigsaw for the thousandth time or punch himself in the face (hand-eye coordination dontcha know).


Sometimes, on a really good day, I manage to put a load of washing on before going to playgroup (a form of torture but at least it involves biscuits) or cook a meal (not just my forte, "toast"). But I am not at home to 'manage the household', I have better things to do with my time with my children. Yes, the bathroom has various other life forms beginning to thrive in it, the bins are overflowing and don't get me started on the raisins and breadstick crumbs about the place.


But childhood is about playing and making mess and children love their parents to play with them. And during the magical nap time (I have amazing children that often nap at the same time!) I enjoy eating lunch with 2 hands, having a wee (yes that is a luxury!) and lying down. After all, I have been up since 3am with the baby.


So please don't ask me to do a list of useful jobs and don't think that when I'm sat breastfeeding that I count it as 'relaxing time'. Maybe once the kids are both in school I will tackle the mess. But for now I will enjoy life and watching them grow up. Live in the moment. Or sometimes just hide in my happy place when a toddler tantrum coincides perfectly with random baby screaming time.


Now where is the wine?!

Dummies and other 'bad habits'

Dummies are very much a marmite topic with most people. Before I had children, I was against them, thinking they were a sign of lazy parenting. I mainly just didn't like seeing children running around the park with dummies in, or trying to talk to you whilst sucking a dummy. As a child, I was a thumb sucker when I was little but soon grew out of it, especially in public.


Becoming a parent completely changed my attitude. I realised that everyone parents differently, there is no right or wrong way, and you just do whatever you can to cope some days. Dummies these days are well designed to not to mess up their teeth and look quite cute. Plus it is much easier to wean children off a dummy than their thumb, you can't take away their digits!


Both of my children use dummies to settle them and calm them down. They have been wonderful for helping us all get more sleep and for stopping any screaming when trying to drive! However, I still don't like them to suck on dummies in public as they don't need the comfort and I don't want to hinder their speech. But I understand we're not all the same and don't judge other mums who do this any more!


The same can be said for so many other things, letting children watch tv (cbeebies is actually quite enjoyable and educational!), eat orange foods (I lived on orange foods and turned out fine) and even combining these two. Feeding children is a horrible trial some days and you will do anything to get them to eat!


The main thing I have learnt is that doing these so-called 'bad habits' to happier children and much less stressed parents. So just do whatever helps and enjoy your children :)

Feeling like a person and not just a mum

I love being a mummy, don't get me wrong. I love the cuddles and kisses, snuggling in bed in the morning reading books, watching their joy at learning new things and general silliness. But I do miss being "Sam", the biochemist, squash and hockey player, wife and friend always up for a giggle.


Someone recently told me that during a 30min break when her kids were napping, instead of doing the housework, she painted her nails. I know it doesn't sound like much, but that ability to be selfish and take some time for yourself is so admirable when you have kids. So here are some of my ideas for making yourself feel more like a person:


- Put on a pretty dress, even if it's just to potter around the house
- Have a bubbly bath, lock the door behind you and have a glass of something nice to drink
- Go for a walk alone. My favourite thing is having both hands free for a bit!
- Do some gardening. The kids can 'help' relatively easily and you get a lovely sense of satisfaction
- Meet up with friends who don't have children and enjoy some proper adult conversation!


I am now sporting some pretty nails and feeling like me again. Any other ideas I can add to my list would be very appreciated!

Part 2: The home birth experience

Due date: We had planned our home birth experience, there was a pile of clean towels in the cupboard, along with all the other home birth essentials, a birth pool, hosepipe, sieve (purpose unknown...), snacks for mummy, energy drinks and straws. The drawer was neatly stocked with baby clothes (boy and girl ones as we kept the gender a surprise). The one thing missing was the baby. To avoid well-meaning pestering from friends and family, we kept the due date a secret and so it turned out to be a pleasant day. I had a visit from the One to One Midwife and a sweep to see if we could get things moving, and then went for a playdate with friends. Running around the park certainly helped to keep my mind busy and get my muscles warmed up! That evening, we sat down to watch the Bake Off and I felt those familiar twinges begin.

Around 1am, I gave up on sleep as I was too excited and contracting every 10 minutes. Within 10 minutes of getting up, my contractions had sped up and gotten much stronger. Time to phone the midwife and wake up the husband! Foolishly, I told the midwife I didn't need her yet (what a martyr) and created a cosy birthing atmosphere with candles, fresh lavender, etc while husband pumped up the pool.





By 1:50am the contractions were thick and fast and I realised that, without the midwife, I had no access to pain relief and paracetamol weren't going to cut it! Quick phonecall to her then back to pacing the living room and trying to remember to breathe (much harder than it sounds!)

2:30am: The midwife showed up, thrusting gas and air into my outstretched arms before unpacking her essentials. And then the pushing began. The whole process was much easier second time around, mainly because I knew each stage would end soon and there would be a baby at the end.

3am: The second midwife arrived just as Alex's head emerged, that has got to be the most awkward first introduction that I will ever encounter! And then he was born, right in our living room with me and my husband on the sofa. Sadly we didn't get to use the pool as it was only a foot deep, those things take forever to fill. It was also filled with red-hot water so wouldn't have been very relaxing but did create a lovely steamy atmosphere for the baby.

The beans meeting each other, and
the sofa looking as good as new!

The whole experience was so empowering, I felt in control for the whole thing. And, following the birth, we got to climb into our own bed. My favourite thing about home birth was that, as my contractions built, we weren't worrying about childcare for bean1, or whether there might be traffic on the way to hospital, or if I'd remembered to pack toothpaste. We simply sent the midwife a quick 'heads up' text and climbed into bed for some rest before it all kicked off.

We didn't end up needing a lot of the "equipment" on the midwife's list. We used the towels and plenty of plastic sheeting to protect the sofa, the bucket was needed for when I threw up and to collect the placenta. As we never got round to using the birth pool, the hose wasn't used and we never found out the function of the sieve!

Part 1: Planning a home birth

My first pregnancy was a very straight-forward one and labour was equally textbook, only around 6 hours and I managed with just gas and air in the hospital. While the hospital environment didn't bother me during labour, I didn't enjoy the stay in hospital after the birth. Hours after giving birth to our little girl, my husband had to go home, leaving me pretty clueless and sore, The midwives leave you to it these days, I can understand they don't want to interfere, are very busy and want to encourage mums to get stuck in, but picking up a baby from those weird fishtank-style cots is difficult when all your bits and bobs are so sore!

Midwives seem to be getting younger and younger these days...

As bean1 decided to come on a very busy baby day, we had a bed squeezed onto a C-section ward and had to wait on the delivery suite for 5-6 hours before getting the bed. Plus the lift wasn't working so I had to carry her up a large flight of stairs, the water was off for the whole morning (so no flushing loos or running water for drinking or washing hands!) and there was only one paediatrician on, meaning the wait to be discharged was veeeeery long. All in all, there was a lot of uncomfortable waiting around when I just wanted to be at home with my new family. Plus, why do they make maternity wards soooo hot?!?!

How the long wait on the maternity ward made me feel!

So when I found out I was pregnant again, I decided to go down the home birth route. I signed up with the One to One midwives as I wanted to get to know the midwife who would be present and sadly this isn't possible with community midwives as you just get whoever is on call. I clicked with my lovely midwife straight away and she assured us that home birth doesn't mean that your house looks like a murder scene afterwards - this was our biggest worry!

A month before D-day, I was sent a list of things to buy. Some of the items were pretty scary, ranging from old towels and a hose to fill the birthing pool, to bendy straws (hopefully for drinking, I don't want to think what other purpose they could serve!), a sieve and a bucket.

Check back soon for Part 2: The home birth experience, to find out about how it went and what all the equipment was for, plus the state of our house afterwards and a run-down of my personal pros and cons of home births.

Things I have enjoyed about my child-free day

As bean2 is due anytime in the next few weeks, I have really been trying to relish any time away from bean1, guilt-free, before having 2 children (argh!!) becomes a reality. Today, bean1 is spending the day with my husband's family (but not the husband as he has been on holiday in the Caribbean all week!).


Normally, on a day off I might do some gardening, go for a bike ride or catch up with friends. However, being heavily pregnant means I can laze at home in pjs and eat biscuits so I haven't done much at all.


Here are some of my favourite things about being child-free for the day:
- going to the loo without having to tell someone/be followed and watched
- eating biscuits on the sofa, rather than stuffing them in my face with my head in a cupboard so bean1 doesn't see
- playing on my phone without someone demanding to look at "pic pics"
- doing a jigsaw and being able to drop pieces on the floor without panicking that they might get swallowed
- popping to the postbox in less than a minute (so much easier without the hassle of fighting a toddler into shoes, coat and out of the door, then back in without rearranging all the pebbles on the driveway)
- staying in bed til 8am. It could've been longer but my pregnancy bladder and stomach forced me out of bed!


Despite all this, I'm really looking forward to getting both child and husband back tomorrow. Breakfast was very lonely, I miss the giggles and tunnel-building fun, and the house is just too tidy!!

Time to pack my hospital bag!

Handy scrabble table!

Even though I'm planning a home birth (more about that in my next post!), I still need a hospital bag packed in case something goes wrong on the day, or if I go into labour whilst visiting family for the weekend. The bump is certainly starting to get big and so labour is becoming a more likely possibility. Also, 2 pregnant friends recently both had their babies 2 weeks early, and I don't fancy panic packing whilst in labour at 5am like one of them!

Enjoying a quiet weekend away, taking time to enjoy having a bump

I always love packing (is that weird?) and have packed a hospital bag once before with bean1, yet I couldn't remember anything about what I might need. Thank goodness for Google! I certainly learnt a few lessons from bean1 about the reality of birth and what I really need, such as:

• magazines and books were pointless, I don't think I sat down or could concentrate whilst in labour. Admittedly, it was a rather fast affair so maybe these would be good for longer labours
• don't bother packing makeup. I still don't know what I was thinking last time, I don't normally wear makeup so why would I bother when I'm busy forcing a baby out of my foof?!
• energy drinks are a must. My stomach couldn't handle food so these kept my sugar levels up. Plus, the bottles came in handy later when the hospital water supply was turned off all morning (don't ask, it was a nightmare and part of my decision for a home birth)
• things to keep the OH occupied: no way do I want him happily sat in the corner reading a good book or playing on his DS when he could be massaging me or being shouted at by me! Plus, his mobile always seems to keep him quiet for hours anyway

Here are the (almost final) contents of my bare-minimum hospital bag:

1. Toiletries: including toothbrush/paste, deodorant, vaseline, hairbrush, moisturiser (I'm still hoping that my OH might try pregnancy massage although that never happened last time...)
2. Eye mask and earplugs: I got a bed on the ward around 4am last time, and they turn on all the lights and get noisy at 7am so I had no chance of napping
3. Absorbent pads: for all the fun places that liquid seems to escape after having a baby. Pack plenty!
4. Baby clothes: I like to pack a couple of slightly different sized babygrow and vest, plus hat and mittens (even for an August baby apparently!), along with muslins and a blanket
5. Nappies and wipes. Again, pack plenty!
6. Maternity notes
7. Camera and phone charger (plus phone of course!)
8. Clothes for mummy: loose nightie, loose, comfy clothes, big pants, slipper socks and nursing bras
9. Sugary drinks and snacks: don't worry, I will pack plenty more into my bag nearer the time!

Wish me luck!!