Being on maternity leave does not make you a housewife...

*warning: This blog post includes mild angriness and ranting


Housewife: A married woman who manages her own household
Maternity leave: Leave of absence for the birth and care of a baby


There we go.


I am currently on maternity leave with a baby and also caring for a toddler around 3 days a week. My role is to look after children and, most importantly, get to know my new baby and care for him. This mainly involves changing nappies, breastfeeding and outfit changes for us both when one of the first 2 tasks gets messy. When I have time, it also includes getting excited when a child does something 'exciting' such as finish a jigsaw for the thousandth time or punch himself in the face (hand-eye coordination dontcha know).


Sometimes, on a really good day, I manage to put a load of washing on before going to playgroup (a form of torture but at least it involves biscuits) or cook a meal (not just my forte, "toast"). But I am not at home to 'manage the household', I have better things to do with my time with my children. Yes, the bathroom has various other life forms beginning to thrive in it, the bins are overflowing and don't get me started on the raisins and breadstick crumbs about the place.


But childhood is about playing and making mess and children love their parents to play with them. And during the magical nap time (I have amazing children that often nap at the same time!) I enjoy eating lunch with 2 hands, having a wee (yes that is a luxury!) and lying down. After all, I have been up since 3am with the baby.


So please don't ask me to do a list of useful jobs and don't think that when I'm sat breastfeeding that I count it as 'relaxing time'. Maybe once the kids are both in school I will tackle the mess. But for now I will enjoy life and watching them grow up. Live in the moment. Or sometimes just hide in my happy place when a toddler tantrum coincides perfectly with random baby screaming time.


Now where is the wine?!

Dummies and other 'bad habits'

Dummies are very much a marmite topic with most people. Before I had children, I was against them, thinking they were a sign of lazy parenting. I mainly just didn't like seeing children running around the park with dummies in, or trying to talk to you whilst sucking a dummy. As a child, I was a thumb sucker when I was little but soon grew out of it, especially in public.


Becoming a parent completely changed my attitude. I realised that everyone parents differently, there is no right or wrong way, and you just do whatever you can to cope some days. Dummies these days are well designed to not to mess up their teeth and look quite cute. Plus it is much easier to wean children off a dummy than their thumb, you can't take away their digits!


Both of my children use dummies to settle them and calm them down. They have been wonderful for helping us all get more sleep and for stopping any screaming when trying to drive! However, I still don't like them to suck on dummies in public as they don't need the comfort and I don't want to hinder their speech. But I understand we're not all the same and don't judge other mums who do this any more!


The same can be said for so many other things, letting children watch tv (cbeebies is actually quite enjoyable and educational!), eat orange foods (I lived on orange foods and turned out fine) and even combining these two. Feeding children is a horrible trial some days and you will do anything to get them to eat!


The main thing I have learnt is that doing these so-called 'bad habits' to happier children and much less stressed parents. So just do whatever helps and enjoy your children :)

Feeling like a person and not just a mum

I love being a mummy, don't get me wrong. I love the cuddles and kisses, snuggling in bed in the morning reading books, watching their joy at learning new things and general silliness. But I do miss being "Sam", the biochemist, squash and hockey player, wife and friend always up for a giggle.


Someone recently told me that during a 30min break when her kids were napping, instead of doing the housework, she painted her nails. I know it doesn't sound like much, but that ability to be selfish and take some time for yourself is so admirable when you have kids. So here are some of my ideas for making yourself feel more like a person:


- Put on a pretty dress, even if it's just to potter around the house
- Have a bubbly bath, lock the door behind you and have a glass of something nice to drink
- Go for a walk alone. My favourite thing is having both hands free for a bit!
- Do some gardening. The kids can 'help' relatively easily and you get a lovely sense of satisfaction
- Meet up with friends who don't have children and enjoy some proper adult conversation!


I am now sporting some pretty nails and feeling like me again. Any other ideas I can add to my list would be very appreciated!