Time to pack my hospital bag!

Handy scrabble table!

Even though I'm planning a home birth (more about that in my next post!), I still need a hospital bag packed in case something goes wrong on the day, or if I go into labour whilst visiting family for the weekend. The bump is certainly starting to get big and so labour is becoming a more likely possibility. Also, 2 pregnant friends recently both had their babies 2 weeks early, and I don't fancy panic packing whilst in labour at 5am like one of them!

Enjoying a quiet weekend away, taking time to enjoy having a bump

I always love packing (is that weird?) and have packed a hospital bag once before with bean1, yet I couldn't remember anything about what I might need. Thank goodness for Google! I certainly learnt a few lessons from bean1 about the reality of birth and what I really need, such as:

• magazines and books were pointless, I don't think I sat down or could concentrate whilst in labour. Admittedly, it was a rather fast affair so maybe these would be good for longer labours
• don't bother packing makeup. I still don't know what I was thinking last time, I don't normally wear makeup so why would I bother when I'm busy forcing a baby out of my foof?!
• energy drinks are a must. My stomach couldn't handle food so these kept my sugar levels up. Plus, the bottles came in handy later when the hospital water supply was turned off all morning (don't ask, it was a nightmare and part of my decision for a home birth)
• things to keep the OH occupied: no way do I want him happily sat in the corner reading a good book or playing on his DS when he could be massaging me or being shouted at by me! Plus, his mobile always seems to keep him quiet for hours anyway

Here are the (almost final) contents of my bare-minimum hospital bag:

1. Toiletries: including toothbrush/paste, deodorant, vaseline, hairbrush, moisturiser (I'm still hoping that my OH might try pregnancy massage although that never happened last time...)
2. Eye mask and earplugs: I got a bed on the ward around 4am last time, and they turn on all the lights and get noisy at 7am so I had no chance of napping
3. Absorbent pads: for all the fun places that liquid seems to escape after having a baby. Pack plenty!
4. Baby clothes: I like to pack a couple of slightly different sized babygrow and vest, plus hat and mittens (even for an August baby apparently!), along with muslins and a blanket
5. Nappies and wipes. Again, pack plenty!
6. Maternity notes
7. Camera and phone charger (plus phone of course!)
8. Clothes for mummy: loose nightie, loose, comfy clothes, big pants, slipper socks and nursing bras
9. Sugary drinks and snacks: don't worry, I will pack plenty more into my bag nearer the time!

Wish me luck!!

Scattering ashes on Father's Day

We finally did it. After keeping my dad in a wardrobe for 3 and a half years, last weekend we finally managed to scatter his ashes. Sorry it took us so long dad, but we wanted to make it a lovely occasion. And it was.

But, no-one tells you what scattering ashes is really like. In the films, people grab a little handful each and artfully toss it into the wind, watching the cloud of dust float away and settle somewhere special. Believe me, it's not like that in real life.

Ok, we had a lovely weekend. All the extended family came to visit and finally got to meet Bean (plus many of her cousins who they hadn't had the pleasure of meeting before). We played games in the garden, enjoyed a BBQ in the sunshine (yes, the rain actually held off just long enough) and a picnic.

A select few of us went up to a beautiful spot on one of my dad's favourite walks in the Peak District, where we had put a bench in memorial, a gorgeous simple oak design with one of his favourite phrases inscribed, made by my very talented brother-in-law. And then it was time to "scatter the ashes". I will summarise the process here:

- Carry a large ugly plastic pot up to your beautiful chosen spot
- Check the wind direction (very very important, we nearly ended up with dad all over ourselves, which wasn't in his handover notes*)
- Stand around awkwardly waiting for someone to take control
- Pour the ashes on the ground. There was a lot of them and it was nothing like in the movies. Maybe we needed some background music...
- Carefully back away from the area so you don't stand on your beloved relative
- Enjoy a picnic and glass of bubbly, don't think about the fact that you haven't washed your hands since the above

*Yes, he actually wrote a whole folder of "handover notes" before he died, including the speeches to be read at his funeral and how to look after the garden. A control freak to the end and we will always miss his organisational skills, not to mention his bear hugs and generous, kind spirit <3

10 survival tips for coping with a toddler and a new baby

As you probably know, I am expecting baby number 2 at the end of August. My first sproglet will be 21 months by then and I am sure she will take a bit of adjusting to the inevitable changes, including less attention, a grumpy tired mummy and twice as much screaming in the house.
To prepare for the upcoming blitzkrieg, I have been asking friends and family for tips on how to cope when adding a new baby into a household with a toddler. Here are some of my favourites:

1) Put the baby in a travel cot in the living room so it is out of reach of inquisitive pokey toddler fingers

2) Always have a bribe (snack!) on you to keep the toddler under control

3) Use a sling as much as possible

4) Make time to listen to what the toddler is trying to tell you

5) Have a secret stash of wrapped "presents" for the toddler, so they don't feel left out when people bring presents for the new baby - I might stock up at the local charity shop!

6) Read mummy blogs to stay sane and as a good reminder that you are not the only one struggling

7) Involve toddler with looking after the baby - but don't make it seem like a chore! I'm hoping bean1 will love fetching bits and entertaining bean2 with her singing and dancing

8) Accept any offers of help from friends and family

9) Games which can be played from the sofa are great for breastfeeding, such as I-spy, Simon Says, musical statues, anything on an iPad...

10) Get outside! A quick visit to the park, a playdate with friends or even some time in the garden will make you all feel refreshed and tire out the toddler. Fresh air also seems to relax babies (or at least make the screaming seem quieter)

Building dens and hiding under cushions are bean1's current favourite game!

And if it all fails, get a loan to pay for a nanny and just put your feet up for a bit!
I have also found a wonderful website with a suggested routine for when you have a baby and toddler http://www.contentedbaby.com/BabyandToddlerRoutine.htm

Do you have any good advice to add to this?

Things you don't want to hear as a mum!

Being pregnant has reminded me of all the annoying phrases that people always seem to insist on saying to you. I can't decide if "you're looking so big" is better or worse than "your bump is so small", especially when said to me by different people on the same day - obviously one of you is lying! Being too hot most of the time coupled with pregnancy hormones which seem to make even the smallest issue into a full-blown cry-fest, makes me wonder why people dare speak to me at all some days!

But don't get me wrong, I do usually enjoy the comments I get about the bump, conversations around whether it is a boy or girl, lots of people asking how I'm feeling and making sure I get offered slices of cake before anyone else. However, it has made me remember some of the comments I had about bean1 after she was born, particularly on days when PND combined with severe sleep deprivation made me even angrier than normal. Here are some of my biggest pet peeves:

- Is it a boy?
Seriously, someone once asked me this when she was dressed all in pink. If you really can't tell, say something ambiguous like "what a fab outfit" or "what beautiful eyes" and try to work out the sex in the ensuing conversation
- Hasn't she grown
Well duh!
- Cherish the time while she is still little
Worst thing to say ever. I lived most days hoping to just survive to the next day and I am amazed if anyone really can enjoy those first weeks/months of no sleep/being pooed and sicked on/incessant whingy noises
- Are you planning another one?
This is quite a personal question when you think about it, yet complete strangers feel like they are allowed to ask this

You think I look like a boy?! *facepalm*

I think a lot of people simply panic about what to say, hence the cliches, so here are some of my personal favourites:

- You're doing a great job
- What a gorgeous baby you have
- He/she has your eyes/hair/chin/whatever (always a lovely compliment as our babies are the most beautiful things ever to us!)
- Just follow your own instincts
- It gets easier (a lot of people have said the opposite to me, but I would rather you lie and say it gets better!)

What are your pet peeves? Can you recommend other things you wish people would say or that people have said which really made your day?

Afternoon tea with the Queen (a Buckingham Palace garden party)

I was fortunate enough to get an invite to a garden party at Buckingham Palace last week. The Queen holds a few of these every year and invites around 8,000 lucky people along each time to see her, a selection of other royals and enjoy some delicious tea and cake in the grounds.

 

Many people there were military types, but there were also a lot of religious people and people in uniform, being rewarded with cake (my favourite type of reward) for working hard. However, I felt like a fraud as a was simply a +1 to my lovely Auntie who works at the Palace.

The day started off with a typically British queue outside the Palace, with fancy hats and unsuitable shoes as far as the eye could see. We slowly funneled through the main entrance and out into the grounds. Being a greedy pregnant lady, I headed straight to the tea tent and consumed 2 piles of delicious sandwiches and beautiful miniature cakes*.

*note to self, don't put your cup of tea next to a chocolate mousse cake, especially when wearing a white dress!

Melted chocolate cake! Oops

Next, a lot of milling around waiting for the Queen to appear. When I spotted her, the baby gave some excited kicks, before she disappeared into the crowd (the Queen is very small and so you have no chance of seeing her unless you get to the front). She was wearing a classic minty green number with a matching umbrella, although we were very lucky and the rain held off all day. I guess I have little bean's dancing to thank for that!

Once the royalty had emerged and headed into their own tent (apparently to sit and look at the cake as they don't actually eat, I wish I had some of that self control!), I was introduced to Princess Alexandra. She seemed very friendly and interesting, although was in quite a rush as she had a big list of people to meet. I think I managed a sort-of curtsy, but it was probably more of a embarrassing half-collapse.

We wandered around the grounds, the gardens are massive and you don't feel like you are in the centre of London. They even have tennis courts! Then back to the tents to watch the royals walk back into the Palace, we got a front row spot and saw the Queen up close this time.

  

Overall, it was a wonderful day out. The highlights were getting dressed up, the amazing cakes and seeing the Queen. Negatives included a lack of seating (partially due to people 'saving' chairs and a disregard for elderly/pregnant people), and being dressed up. I don't think I've worn heels for years and the bump did not enjoy being stuffed into a non-maternity dress already!

Thank you Queenie for having me round to your house, you're always welcome to mine. We have plenty of seats and my husband makes great scones, although our garden is slightly smaller!

Work:life:mum balance

Many people talk about trying to get that perfect balance, and the 'mummy guilt' that plagues us all in the hunt for this nirvana. Well, from all my research and attempts to reach that balance, I can firmly conclude that... it doesn't exist!

On paper, my balance right now is perfect for me. I work 3 days a week in the office which gives me 3 lovely days of sitting down, drinking hot drinks, not having to hide in the kitchen when I want to eat a snack, and plenty of adult conversation. Plus, my favourite thing, colleagues to acknowledge my hard work and other ways to measure if a day has been successful. I then get 2 days with bean all to myself, we can go wherever, whenever and see whoever (well, all around the strict 12-2 naptime, life is not worth living without this!).

This all sounds pretty perfect, right? But somehow, my brain seems stuck in 'the grass is always greener on the other side' mode. At work, I yearn after my little bean, wish I was with her and spend far too long looking at photos of her (or demanding that nana sends me photos of her every hour). And at home, I just wish I could have the perks I get at work.

The below page from the Ladybird book "The Mum" totally sums up my fears as a stay at home mum. I will be stood at the school gates, safe in the knowledge that I have a PhD and have contributed to important research into a cure for cancer, yet all I will be judged on is the behaviour and ability of my sproglets. Which is ultimately out of my control. It's no wonder that you get "pushy mums". 

I'm in a very lucky position as I choose to work because I want to. We have enough money to be flexible (although my salary is basically cancelled out by childcare fees!) and we have good support through my mother-in-law. I even get to travel on work conferences in the knowledge that someone else can look after little bean.

Taking a break from motherhood in the Lake District

I guess the secret is to live in the moment, using those wonderful 'Mindfulness' techniques my dad tried to teach me. Maybe one day I will be content with my lot.

 What do you think is the best balance?

Knitting for premature NICU babies

Last night, my craft club hosted a wonderful lady from the "Ray of Hope" charity to give us a talk on the beautiful clothes that are created by volunteers for babies on the NICU.

The majority of items donated are knitted, and unsurprisingly people favour making little girls clothes. Apparently, this is because when knitting small items, they are very similar to dolls clothes, and dolls are invariably female. She started off by showing us a doll fully kitted out with typical items, the doll was representative of the smaller babies found on the NICU and it was incredible how tiny it was - not much heavier that a pound and about what a 24 week baby might look like. The fact that that is smaller than the bean currently cooking in my oven really made me realise just how early and underdeveloped these babies must be.

Before the talk, I had knitted up a couple of (what I thought were tiny) hats, one for a boy and one for a girl (and some very dodgy booties, I will never manage to make 2 that match!). However, mine looked huge in comparison and I hadn't considered the fact that these babies are in ventilators. Ray of Hope have designed teeny tiny hats with "flaps" on the top to allow babies to be closely monitored and fitted with all the necessary tubes.

Perhaps it wasn't the best talk to go to in my heightened emotional state - I was never emotional before getting pregnant but even hearing Jeremy Paxman's closing statement when leaving Newsnight made me cry (even though I dislike the man and have never watched Newsnight!). The clothes are so tiny, and a lot of premature babies are very poorly. The Ray of Hope also help with bereavement, offering photography of babies that don't make it and providing tiny "angel gowns" and presents to help the family deal with their loss.

I feel so lucky to have had such a straightforward pregnancy and healthy baby the first time round, and fingers crossed it all goes well again this time. But I will take time to think of those who are less fortunate and have another go at knitting some clothes for these special babies.

If you feel inspired, ask your local hospital or midwife if they are in need of anything in particular. Here is a link to the knitting patterns created by Ray of Hope:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/stoke/hi/people_and_places/newsid_8674000/8674298.stm